The John Report: Talking Smack for 07/02/10 ("Dashing")

I’m only doing Smackdown recaps every other week through the summer. Once September comes I’ll do them every week again. If you go to thejohnreport.net you’ll see the recaps posted by my buddy Alex aka Feedback when I’m not doing them.

Taped from Wilkes-Barre, Pa. let’s talk some smack.

They showed clips from last week with Kane literally chasing CM Punk out of the arena as Punk ran into the night into his wrestling gear in what was an unintentionally funny moment.

The show started with Jack Swagger coming out and he spoke about wanting others to suffer. He mentioned how he’s suffered without the World Title. They showed a clip of last week when he put the ankle lock (yes, they gave him the move of Shamrock & Angle as well as Batista, who used it temporarily) onto Big Show and didn’t let up even though Show was in the ropes. Big Show came out. Apparently Big Show, the largest athlete of the world, has to sell an injury for more than a week. John Cena, however, does not. Those are the rules I guess. Show said he knew he could break Swagger’s jaw so he limped his way down to the ring when “Dashing” Cody Rhodes jumped him from behind. Show tried to fight back, but couldn’t get them off until Rey Mysterio came out for the save. Seems like a match for later, huh?

The Grish and Striker talked about six of the eight Smackdown guys in the MITB match: Kane, Matt Hardy, Cody Rhodes, Christian, Kofi Kingston and Big Show. They said those are just six and two more will be added. One of them will likely be Drew McIntyre, who would be my pick to win. No Dolph or MVP.

Speaking of Money in the Bank, we’ve got a poll up at thejohnreport.net asking who you think will win Raw’s MITB match. Right now the Miz has the big lead. I tend to agree, but I also thought Drew McIntyre winning at WrestleMania was a lock. You never know.

Backstage, Vickie caught up to Dolph. Told him if he beats Kofi non-title this week he gets a title shot in the future. He wasn’t paying attention because Rosa Mendes was doing jumping jacks. Now THAT is creative writing. I guess. Anyway, they went out to the ring together.

Kofi Kingston d. Dolph Ziggler (*1/2)
This is non-title, which usually means the champ is losing. Not in this case. The main story was Vickie was at ringside with Dolph trying to impress her. The match went to a commercial and when it came back the action was pretty good with Dolph mostly in control. Kofi fought back, he set up Trouble in Paradise in a ridiculously obvious manner, missed that, Dolph hit a Rocker Dropper/Fameasser for a good two count. He told Vickie it would be okay. That mental mistake allowed Kofi to take advantage with Trouble in Paradise for the win. Post match, Vickie was disappointed as she walked away alone while Dolph looked really sad in the ring. More sucking up next week, I assume.

Backstage, the SES talked. Serena said they should just admit it while Punk said no. Punk was in a sling because he has a legit arm injury that required surgery and they talked about how he was in surgery for ten hours. Punk said Luke would take care of things while Serena said that if they don’t then she will.

There was a long Peep Show segment with Christian and his guest Matt Hardy, who was already in the ring. I thought it was a great job by both guys in terms of putting over the importance of the Money in the Bank match. They each talked about their careers, their history in ladder matches and their desire to want to win their first World Title. They even went so far as to mention how management never “picked them” to be a chosen one like Drew McIntyre and how they’ve always had to fight their way to get to the top. That’s for damn sure. I have sympathy more for Christian than for Matt, who I like, but I think Christian’s a better talent overall that deserves the main event push now. They each climbed the ladder at one point, then came back down and spoke some more. Christian was about to leave, then he turned back around and Hardy decked him. The segment ended with Matt throwing him into a ladder. I thought it was a very good segment that put over the importance of not just the Money in the Bank match itself, but winning the Money in the Bank match. I’m not sure who’s winning on the Smackdown side although I’d likely pick Drew McIntyre assuming he’s in the match. Who do I want to win? Christian, of course. Not holding my breath on that one, though.

There was a backstage segment introducing Alberto Del Rio to us just like last week. He claimed he was an honest man. I’m not sure if these segments are the best way to introduce a new guy in 2010. He comes off like a cocky heel with a cheesy grin, but that’s how every heel in WWE is. He doesn’t stand out from the pack.

They did another segment to push Cody Rhodes’ new “Dashing” nickname. It was complete with Cody combing his eyebrows with a comb. He interviewed himself in the mirror while putting over the name “Dashing” quite a bit. I have to give WWE credit. When they want to get over a name or a particular angle they really do drive it home. The video was a 9 out of 10 on the unintentional comedy scale and can be viewed here if interested. I’m not sure if this gimmick is the best thing ever or the worst thing ever at this point. At least it’s a gimmick for Cody.

Kane d. Luke Gallows via DQ (NR)
One minute into the match, the masked SES guy interfered to cause the DQ. Kane went after Punk.

With Kane’s hand around Punk’s throat, Serena came out. She said they had nothing to do with the Undertaker being in a vegetative state because Punk was saving her on May 31. She threw to a clip at a bar where she was drinking. It said May 31 and there was a clock that covered a couple of hours. She was drinking. Some random guy was drinking too. They were drinking shots. Punk showed up, with a hat on his head, while Gallows and the masked guy was also there WEARING THE MASK in the bar. That’s commitment. They took Serena out of there as the video ended. That video looked like one of my family reunions. I would be in the role of Serena although I don’t stop drinking. Everybody joins in. Anyway, that video was enough proof for Kane to let Punk go and walk away furiously. Meanwhile, Punk was mad that Serena played the video. He kept asking: “Do you have any idea what you just did?” I guess he’s mad that she showed she had that mental lapse and showed that she was weak minded. It should be interesting to see where it goes from here. I’m glad they gave Serena more to do this week. I like her. She’s probably my favorite diva in WWE right now. Her and Natalya.

I’m ready for the vegetative state angle to end. I guess we got another month of it before it’s revealed that Kane was the one that did it and we get the Casket Match at Summerslam.

I wrote a recap of TNA Impact that can be read here and it’s only a one week thing although I will try to write about TNA more often than I have been.

MVP d. Chavo Guerrero (*)
Chavo came out saying Dolph couldn’t get the win, but he could prove to his aunt Vickie that he was a winner. And he lost in 2 minutes to the guy that’s not even in the MITB match. Time filler. I’d say it was a Superstars match except those matches are longer.

I loved how the WWE Classics on Demand focused on Lex Luger bodyslamming Yokozuna more than 15 years ago and then booking him in a title match against Yoko where he won by DQ in the big payoff because Vince had no faith in Luger being World Champion. Let’s not mention either that the company was losing money at an alarming rate at this time too. But hey, great moment for America! Ha.

Kelly Kelly d. Michelle McCool (*)
Man, Kelly looks freaking awesome. I mean shit, the girl is gorgeous. Of course she is. That’s how she got her job. Speaking of getting things, congrats to Michelle on marrying The Undertaker last week. I won’t be calling her Michelle Vegetative State although I’m tempted to. Tiffany got jumped by Layla & Michelle early on. Tiffany got back up about a minute later, gave a clothesline to Layla and that distracted Michelle enough to allow Kelly to roll her up for the win. I love how the announcers talked about how this made Kelly a contender for the Women’s Title. Of course she is. Who the hell is there?

We got the clips from Raw with The Nexus beating up Steamboat and other legends. My thoughts are with Steamboat as he was hospitalized this week. It’s not an angle. He was legitimately hospitalized. Jim Ross said on Twitter that he should be home this coming week, which is great news.

Interesting note from Raw. If you type in [email protected] into google – the fake email address that John Cena gave out – the first site that pops up is mine. Thanks Cena for the website traffic.

Another Alberto Del Rio segment. He said he was there to inspire, basically. Cue cheesy grin and wink. I’m having Carlito Caribbean Cool video package flashbacks.

Rey Mysterio came out. It should be pointed out that the announcer introduced him as “World Champion Rey Mysterio” which means they’re dropping the term “Heavyweight” while he holds the belt. In other words, he’s short. Thanks Vince. Didn’t know. He cut a promo about how great it was to be the champion again. He ended it by saying that when you wrestle him it’s not just Rey, it’s the entire 619 too. That’s the area code of San Diego. What about the rest of us, Rey? We don’t matter. I’m in tears here! Not really.

Rey Mysterio & Big Show d. Jack Swagger & Cody Rhodes via DQ (**)
I think if Cody’s going to pull off this “Dashing” thing they need to get him a new song, new clothes for his entrance and new ring gear. His look as it is just isn’t working for me. Hey, take a guess as to which one of the babyfaces the heels worked over the majority of the match? Mysterio of course. The crowd was strong because they love anything with Rey although the heel team of Rhodes & Swagger weren’t that exciting as far as their ring work goes. It was very basic stuff. Rey got the hot tag to Big Show, who used power moves on both guys, but really couldn’t capitalize because he was selling the ankle. He seriously sold the ankle more here than John Cena has sold any injury in the past five years. Good for you, Big Show. That’s how you do it. Rey got the momentum, he went for the 619 on Swagger, but Jack caught him. Ankle lock. Rey was in the ropes. Swagger didn’t let go. There’s the DQ.

Post match, Swagger didn’t let go of Rey’s ankle. He slid to the floor while still holding onto it. Big Show couldn’t chase him because he was hurt. I liked the visual of Jack’s crazy face holding the ankle while Show was trying to get there. Looks like they’ll have Rey injured going into the match, which should make his comeback win all the more improbable when it happens. That works for me.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Christian
2. Matt Hardy
3. Jack Swagger

4 out of 10
Last week: N/A

A slightly below average show this week. There was only one match in hour one and it lacked the typical long match that we’re used to getting on Smackdown. The Hardy/Christian segment was good. I like that Swagger is being booked as vicious now. Too bad they booked him like a losing idiot while he was holding the belt.

The problem with SD is that to the casual viewer if they turned this show and saw a guy like Cody Rhodes in the main event they might be turned off because to them he’s only been a midcarder in WWE. He doesn’t scream top level guy right now. To me, though, it’s important to put new people into main events. It’s just that Smackdown lacks the star power right now to really make people want to tune in that might not be watching regularly.

Raw feels like can’t miss most of the time due to the star power it has. Smackdown doesn’t feel like appointment TV, nor is it as good as it was before the draft lottery.

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